Computer stupidities

Caros Geeks,

aqui vai uma pequena compilação de pérolas de assistentes de informática. Todas as pseudo-assistências foram realizadas por telefone.

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Começo por uma minha (linha de apoio do SAPO há uns tempos atrás)


EU: (coiso e tal) não tenho ligação à Internet.
ELA: Qual o seu sistema operativo?
EU: Linux.
ELA: Hum, pois, hum... desligue e volte a ligar. Pode ser que atenda um assistente que saiba ajudá-lo.

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Me: "The ethernet card you supplied doesn't work under Linux."
Tech Support: "Have you installed the DOS drivers?"
Me: "I'm using Linux, so the DOS drivers won't work."
Tech Support: "Why not?"

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I recently signed up for a 640kbps ADSL line with a borrowed router. We have four computers in our household, with a perfectly working LAN. But after trying to set up the ADSL settings, there was still no connection to the Internet. I thought it was an ISP problem, so I phoned to the tech support. I explained the problem, and...

Me: "...If I ping any computer everything works fin--"
Tech Support: "You what?"
Me: "If I ping any comp--"
Tech Support: "No, I didn't get what you did. Ping, right?"
Me: "Yes, ping. You know, when you write 'ping' and an IP address to see if the network is working."
Tech Support: "Write where?"
Me: "At a command prompt."
Tech Support: "It is better for you to upgrade to Windows XP. DOS is outdated."
Me: "I run Windows 2000. Go to Start, Programs, Accessories, and you'll see a Command Prompt icon. That's where I type 'ping'."
Tech Support: "Oooooooooooh, I see, I see. Now I remember. Maybe the LAN isn't working."
Me: "No, I told you, the LAN was set up well before the ADSL contract and is perfectly fine."
Tech Support: "Mhm. Go to Start, Programs, Accessories, and you'll see a Command Prompt icon. You'll get a black window. Write p-i-n-g-space-[an IP address]."
Me: "..."
Tech Support: "Sir?"
Me: "Done. All packets lost."
Tech Support: "You have a LAN, don't you? Try to ping your PCs and the router. To do so, go to Start, Progr--"
Me: "I know."

And so on, for almost an hour. The problem never got solved. Later I swapped out the router, and it worked. So I called back to see if I could have a replacement router.
Tech Support: "So, you tried to exchange the router with a new one and it worked?"
Me: "Yes, it could be defective."

Tech Support: "Yes, it could. Which brand of router did you have?"
Me: "A Cisco one."
Tech Support: "Ah. Does Cisco make routers?"

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Me: "I was thinking of installing Linux, but I was wondering if you knew if the modem works under Linux."
Tech Support: "Oh, I'm sorry, we only support Windows."
Me: "I know. I was just wondering if you knew if it was possible."
Tech Support: "But we only support Windows."
Me: "I know, but just to save me some time, have you heard of anyone that got Linux to work with the modem?"
Tech Support: (getting annoyed) "Why can't you just use Netscape?"
Me: "Uh, wha? It's not a browser, it's a--never mind. Thanks for your help."